Originally posted August 2006
Me: The interview for my dream job went well, with the exception of getting a speeding ticket on the way. But I have some bad news.
Mom: This conversation is not about me. It’s… it’s a strange sensation. How do I get the conversation back to me?
OK, I’m starting to exaggerate. Must… reign… in… sarcasm!
Mom: What’s the bad news?
Me: IF I get the job, and that’s a big IF, I would need to go to Nashville for training. For six weeks.
(Hi Monica!)
Mom: Wow, it will be expensive to board Moose for six weeks.
Me: Yeah, like $1800. Which is why I’m not doing it.
Mom: Would Jennifer watch Moose?
Me: Jennifer, with the 150 pound St. Bernard of her own, and 220 pound mastiff, and a full time job, and two small children? No, I am not going to ask Jennifer to watch Moose.
Mom: (defensive) Well, your brothers can’t do it.
Me: Yes mother who is retired, has a huge fenced yard, and a huge 4 bedroom house that’s empty, I realize my BROTHERS can’t do it.
Mom: Well I’M NOT KEEPING THAT DOG FOR SIX WEEKS!
Me: Yeah, I can see how a dog sleeping in your house for six weeks would shake your life to it’s very foundations.
Mom: He drools!
Me: So do your grandchildren! At least my DOG takes a shit somewhere other than his own fucking pants!
Mom: Isn’t there any other options?
Me: I could be jobless, go into bankruptcy, move back to Kansas and you and Dad can support my ass until you die or get a restraining order against me, whichever comes first.
Mom: Well, with any luck you won’t get the job and this will be a moot point.
Gee thanks Mom. You can take care of three grandsons under 7 years old for weeks at a time, but god forbid a dog who sleeps 23 1/2 hours of every day comes to be a throw rug with paws in your house.
Can you feel the love?
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