Dish Network: Some things can’t be fixed by new AAA batteries
Posted by: DrunkBunny in RantsI’m sorry for the lack of updates this week, but you see, I’ve been going through my own personal tragedy. On Sunday, the remote control to my satellite TV receiver/DVR quit working due to a broken “SAT” button that tells the receiver, “Hey, quit playing my DVD player and get back to changing my channels and working my DVR!”.
I have emergency training so I was able to stay calm and call the Dish Network to ask for a replacement.
Forced to go through several minutes of automated “troubleshooting” left me very annoyed; listen jackasses! I know it’s NOT a battery problem. It’s the problem of a button that was there, and now is in several pieces rattling around inside the remote itself, and thus is no longer pressable!
The idiot that answered the line when I finally got a real person was just as annoying.
I explained the problem: the button is broken, missing, and thus is unpressable. I needed a replacement remote.
Dish Guy: (obviously reading from a script) “Well, let’s do some troubleshooting to see if we can fix it over the phone.”
Me: “You can replace a missing button over the phone? That’s positively magical! Can you give me some winning lottery numbers too?”
Dish Guy: “So, the button isn’t lighting up red when you press it?”
Me: “There is no button to press. Therefore, I would have to say that the nonexistent button’s red light is nonexistent too. You need to send me a new remote. You can’t fix this over the phone.”
Dish Guy: “When is the last time you replaced your batteries?”
Me: “I replaced them eighteen times with brand new batteries before I called, because like you, I thought at first that batteries could amazingly reassemble a button that is in 8 pieces and rattling around inside my remote. I was just as shocked as you are that it didn’t fix my problem. You need to send me a new remote. You can’t fix this over the phone.”
Dish Guy: “Do the other buttons light up when you press them?”
Me: “Yes they do, but the most important button of all is the “SAT” button because unless I can live to press this button again, I will never be able to control my DVR and receiver again. So other buttons lighting up won’t help me, and pressing them didn’t make the remote grow another SAT button. You need to send me a new remote. You can’t fix this over the phone.”
Dish Guy: “Is the power light on your receiver on?”
Me: “Yes, and I can do some functions with the limited buttons on the receiver itself. It’s not a receiver problem. I can see the problem right in front of me. It is not a mystery. I have diagnosed it using my genius IQ. The problem is that the button DOES NOT EXIST ANYMORE. You need to send me a new remote. You can’t fix this over the phone.”
And we go round and round.
Apparently that guy assumes that members of the general public are just as goddamn stupid as HE is himself.
But the story ends happily because my new remote came in the mail and it only took me 45 minutes to get it working. I’m happy again!
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Dealing with customer service can be so annoying. That guy is lucky you weren’t able to reach through the phone and rip out his vocal chords so he could stop asking you inane questions. I’m sure they deal with dimwits all the time who never thought to check their batteries when their new-fangled piece of equipment goes haywire, but when you tell him 15 times you know exactly why your remote is inoperative, he should certainly listen.
This is so funny, because it’s so true. I had a very similar experience calling Dish to get codes for a new piece of equipment. I was so exhausted trying to explain myself to this idiot and his supervisor, I would have blogged it, but it was too traumatic to go through again.
funny….just today i had a similar experience when i called a local computer supply store. he was an idiot and had no idea what i was say…but treated ME like i was the dum dum.
maybe we need a customer service renaissance?
here in eastern texas, we have embarq for our phone/satellite/dsl needs and they’re definitely in the running for dumbfuck customer service. the installers are quite good but if you ever need to call them for add’l support, it’s a lost cause :mad: