It’s a constant struggle.
Who knows if you ever stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I have an excellent job, a lovely home and a good husband…and as irrational as it sounds, I’m waiting for some horrible thing to happen to take it all away.
I was told all my life that we are all one tragedy from the street…I always feel like I have one foot in the gutter…for no valid and tangible reason.

Tell me that isn’t a result of my childhood.
There are certain things that happen in a persons life that cannot be uttered to another soul…but sneak up on you at night as you’re drifting off to sleep, and seep out into daily living.
No matter how hard you try to fend them off.

The irony is that people come to me every day for advice, as though I really have some answers.
It’s ironic.

Bryan, I never thought about the fact that a person’s lack of self worth can sabotage a relationship once they have it - I only thought about how low self-worth can keep one from having the relationship in the first place. Interesting!

Dawn, your situation perfectly illustrates the point I was trying to get to (but never got to). Anecdotal evidence from hearing stories from my friends points to many marriages being unhealthy because they are very one-sided. Your husband obviously didn’t care enough about you to honor his vows, and after the mistake was made he didn’t care enough to try and mend things. Also I’d say for every three infidelity stories I hear, two of them ends up with the spouse cheating again. Once in a while the spouse is completely remorseful and would never do it again. Although your husband really should have been willing to work on the marriage, maybe in his case he saved you from throwing good time after bad.

Both people have to work at it. And if one person is throwing the marriage away with both hands, or has the “I’m happy so who cares about you” attitude, or “My way or the highway…” well, what other option is there in that case than divorce (or staying and being miserable as you’re treated as a doormat)?

In my experience, low self-worth can express itself that way sometimes. Some people who cannot conceive of themselves being any kind of “gift” to another person, when presented with that gift, reject it. They don’t recognize it for what it is, or they can’t deal with the cognitive dissonance of receiving something they clearly aren’t worthy of, or the idea of accepting it threatens their unhealthy but comfortable world.

I certainly have been guilty of that. Because I didn’t feel I had anything to contribute to a friendship or romantic relationship, I devalued all human relationships. I was toxic to people who entered my sphere of influence. It was a long time before I got past that.

It’s funny because I have known people at 23 who had wisdom decades beyond their years, and then on the other hand there was me. I oftentimes wish I could just excise the years 21-25 from my life. The things I thought I understood, the things that were important to me, or which I didn’t think were important…I was so incredibly stupid and immature and naive. Those years are just like one big Members Only jacket in my memories. Embarrassing.

I’m glad for you that you are not one who devalues that thing a committed, intimate relationship can provide. I think you are way ahead of the curve…at any age!