So I spent the night with YoYo boy twice, and he totally had me thinking that this was a new beginning, he might be ready for something more, and he was acting like he was totally into me. But something he said really stuck with me - he had mentioned when we first started communicating again that he had dabbled in Craigslist and Plenty of Fish when we were apart, but could never make himself that interested in it nor follow through on anything. But then he joked about it the other night, and it got me curious.
Now keep in mind it is the weekend, tomorrow is my 40th birthday and he didn’t make any plans with me even though he’s not getting his kids back until Sunday night. I thought that was fishy. Maybe his newfound appreciation of me still didn’t bring me up to the level of being worthy of his “weekend time” which really fucking insults me to think about.
So I went online and checked Plenty of Fish and found his profile right away. Yep, still active. Oh, and guess what? His last login was TODAY. He spent two nights with me in the past week, implied we might have a go at something more, he ignored me all day today (not even an email, and he owes me one from Friday), but yet he’s checking his Plenty of Fish profile.
In his profile he said he likes to go to comedy clubs (he knows I love to go but has never once in this past year taken me on a date ANYWHERE, yet here he is on Plenty of Fish proposing to strangers that they get together and go to comedy clubs.)
And his age is something different than he told me. He told me last September he was turning 33. This week he said in conversation he’s 36 and I said, “Why did you lie to me about your age?” and he denied doing that. Well, his username gives his birth year as 72 right in the username, and therefore his profile says he’s 35.
So I call him tonight because I was really upset. I tried to calm down a bit first. He said he was asleep and I don’t believe him. I asked him how old he is and he said 36 but then he started to act mad, and he only acts mad when he’s defensive (when I’ve called him on his shit). Then I asked him if he’s actively looking for someone else to date. He says no.
Then he pauses.
Then he says, “I don’t want a relationship with anyone right now.”
So I said, if you don’t want a relationship then why were you logged into your account on PofF just today, and why does your PofF account have your age at 35?
He stammered around and I just KNEW he was reaching in his brain to build up steam to get mad at ME and turn the tables. No way was I going to let him.
I just told him, “Wow, I feel REALLY stupid. Congratulations David, you got me again.” And I hung up and he is not calling me back.
I knew he’d end up fucking me over, I just didn’t know it would be after a week. I totally let myself be used, and yeah I said I knew it, but I lied. Especially after our night together the other night, I REALLY thought he was starting to fall in love with me.
It was all an act. He was just lonely and horny.
Oh my god I am so stupid. I feel like I’ve been betrayed by my best friend. Well shit, I have.
I. Am. So. Stupid.
Happy fucking birthday to me.
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I’m really sorry, Mary, and um… happy birthday. I hope you’re feeling better about things today.
You’re not stupid - YOU didn’t do anything wrong. You’re not the one who keeps changing the rules - he does. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You followed your heart. He is the one who it going to miss out on you. That being said, I know it doesn’t make you feel any better right now. You ARE worth loving. Don’t make his issues YOUR issues, they belong only to HIM.
Oh honey. What an ass. I’m so sorry he’s being a jerk. Sending my hugs and kisses your way, birthday girl.
Not stupid.
Not stupid.
You were brave enough to take a leap of faith, and lucky enough to find out quickly that he wasn’t worth it.
Plenty of people spend years ignoring the signs and deluding themselves…it hurts much more finding out a couple of years down the line.
You’re actually astute enough to save yourself the time.
Bravo
You’re not stupid. You probably trust too much, you see good in people and that may over ride what your instincts are telling you, you make excuses for people when they don’t deserve them….none of that makes you stupid. That makes you a warm hearted, empathetic individual and there are assholes out there who prey on those types of people. THEY are wrong. Not you. Don’t you DARE let someone make you feel like you did something wrong. Don’t let them make you jaded and fearful. Don’t let them put the blame on you. Trusting, giving people chances, opening up to possible reasons, (excuses), makes you open minded, makes you a good person, makes you a more loving person than those types of people deserve.
The trick is to continue to trust, be open minded, be caring and warm and empathetic while still protecting yourself. And that means learning the red flags, listening to your instincts…if you get the feeling something is wrong, it IS. You should never have to guess what someone feels for you. If you find yourself not knowing, that’s the exact time to start listening to that inner voice and paying attention to red flags.
The very last thing you are is stupid.
Wow, look at all the assvice I’ve given in the past three comments. I think I should go back to bed now before I continue.