Archive for the “Rants” Category

I’m sorry for the lack of updates this week, but you see, I’ve been going through my own personal tragedy.  On Sunday, the remote control to my satellite TV receiver/DVR quit working due to a broken “SAT” button that tells the receiver, “Hey, quit playing my DVD player and get back to changing my channels and working my DVR!”.

I have emergency training so I was able to stay calm and call the Dish Network to ask for a replacement.

Forced to go through several minutes of automated “troubleshooting” left me very annoyed; listen jackasses!  I know it’s NOT a battery problem.  It’s the problem of a button that was there, and now is in several pieces rattling around inside the remote itself, and thus is no longer pressable!

The idiot that answered the line when I finally got a real person was just as annoying.

I explained the problem:  the button is broken, missing, and thus is unpressable.  I needed a replacement remote.

Dish Guy:  (obviously reading from a script) “Well, let’s do some  troubleshooting to see if we can fix it over the phone.”

Me:  “You can replace a missing button over the phone?  That’s positively magical!  Can you give me some winning lottery numbers too?”

Dish Guy:  “So, the button isn’t lighting up red when you press it?”

Me:  “There is no button to press.  Therefore, I would have to say that the nonexistent button’s red light is nonexistent too.  You need to send me a new remote.  You can’t fix this over the phone.”

Dish Guy:  “When is the last time you replaced your batteries?”

Me:  “I replaced them eighteen times with brand new batteries before I called, because like you, I thought at first that batteries could amazingly reassemble a button that is in 8 pieces and rattling around inside my remote.  I was just as shocked as you are that it didn’t fix my problem.  You need to send me a new remote.  You can’t fix this over the phone.”

Dish Guy:  “Do the other buttons light up when you press them?”

Me:  “Yes they do, but the most important button of all is the “SAT” button because unless I can live to press this button again, I will never be able to control my DVR and receiver again.  So other buttons lighting up won’t help me, and pressing them didn’t make the remote grow another SAT button.  You need to send me a new remote.  You can’t fix this over the phone.”

Dish Guy:  “Is the power light on your receiver on?”

Me:  “Yes, and I can do some functions with the limited buttons on the receiver itself.  It’s not a receiver problem.  I can see the problem right in front of me.  It is not a mystery.  I have diagnosed it using my genius IQ.  The problem is that the button DOES NOT EXIST ANYMORE.  You need to send me a new remote.  You can’t fix this over the phone.”

And we go round and round.

Apparently that guy assumes that members of the general public are just as goddamn stupid as HE is himself.

But the story ends happily because my new remote came in the mail and it only took me 45 minutes to get it working.  I’m happy again!

I just saw a job advertisement that wants a trainer to have years of medical experience, a Masters degree, and years experience as a trainer.  Pay?  45-50K.

Apparently, all of us little sweet nurses have rich husbands and we just got our Masters degrees and years of medical experience as a hobby to keep us sweet little housewives out of trouble!  Tee hee!

Shove your 50K up your ass.  I don’t have a completed Masters degree and I wouldn’t work for 50K in the Denver Metro area (where the payment on my crappy townhome is over $1600/month, and I live outside of town in the cheap area).

That’s not even $24/hr!  My brother makes $25/hr working on the bottling line at Sudsweiser, no college degree or experience necessary.

Life Truths according to me:

1. Moving is ALWAYS more work than I thought it would be. I should know better by now. I have lived in four states, and have moved at least 21 times.
2. Mean people never die.
3. If there are children or members of the clergy within earshot, I will always manage to say the word “fuck” accidentally, and loudly.
4. If I talk bad about someone, there is a 60% chance that, unbeknownst to me, they are standing directly behind me.
5. When I want a cup of coffee at work, there will only be 3 DROPS of coffee left in the pot, and the last asshole will not have started a new pot.
6. When I work an hour extra, my boss won’t notice. The next day when I try to leave 10 minutes early, she will.
   COROLLARY: If I come in extra on the weekends, no one will be here to see me do it.
7. I can never have enough beer in the fridge if my mother is visiting.
8. I can keep my house clean for months at a time (theoretically; this has never been attempted), but no one will stop by unexpectedly until I’ve let it go.
9. Seeing me wearing anything black, suede, or that requires dry cleaning, is an immediate trigger for Moose to begin to copiously drool, then brush up against me repeatedly.
   COROLLARY: If I’m wearing sweats, my dog will ignore me.
10. Even the simplest request to Qwest phone company will take no less than eight (8) separate phone calls to get the request completed, and they’ll still find a way to do it wrong.
11. I never run into the good looking guys in the office. But the one woman who never smiles, and scowls at you when you say “Good morning” or “Excuse me”… well, HER I’ll see 18 times a day.
12. In any court case, divorce case, or custody case, the side that shouldn’t win ALWAYS will. Thus proving that most judges and juries HAVE THEIR HEADS UP THEIR FUCKING ASSES. I love to be proved wrong on this point by the way, so any judge or jury member out there, USE SOME FUCKING COMMON SENSE during your rulings, and I’ll gladly eat crow.
13. Criminals have more rights than victims. Abusers have more rights and protection under the law than abused children and spouses.
14. I find it frightening that our society is becoming increasingly more accepting of the “nothing is my fault” way of thinking. (Example: “Oh, I ran over a blind guy in the crosswalk when I was drunk? Must have been because I played a violent video game when I was 12! Not my fault that I killed a guy, AND I’ll sue the video game company and become a millionaire because of my mental anguish!”)
15. The less of a conscience you have, the more successful you’ll be. That is why I’ll be happy to be a peon forever.
16. Any guy I like will find me repulsive, will be dishonest, or will use me for my (perceived, not actual) money. Any guy who likes me, I won’t like. Can someone please explain this? GRR.
17. Any guy I do like will waste years of my life, then immediately marry someone else when we break up.
18. If I order pizza, I will regret it after 2 slices and throw the rest away. Every time.
19. If there is one microscopic thing that I can do or say that will make an unfavorable impression with someone I just met, I will do it or say it.

A friend at work, promoted, and now they think they’re better than me and talk down to me.

Another friend, bragging they don’t have time to talk to me any more because of the fabulous new relationship they’re in.

Someone else, who just wants to talk about how much money they have and what a great life they have because of it, despite knowing I’m broke and struggling.

How quickly you’ve forgotten, my friends!

To the first person: When I met you, my job was “above” yours, yet I never treated you like you were inferior.  How dare you be patronizing to me.

To the second person:  Just a few months ago, you were a lonely fuck that no one gave the time of day to, except for me and your other friends.  How dare you act like you’re suddenly better than us, or that we are disposable.

To the third person:  If I had another person providing an income to my household, I’d be sitting pretty financially too.  If you didn’t have that guy making money for you, you’d be in the same boat I am.  Stop rubbing my nose in it, and stop implying that you suddenly have better money management powers than I do.  If my income doubled overnight, I’d be doing better too.

I’m happy when my friends do well.  But their acting superior makes my happiness for them evaporate real quick.  How quickly they forget that they were once in the same boat as I am.

Maybe treating me like I’m second-class helps them forget that they are one failed relationship (with their significant other, or with their boss) away from being right back in the boat I’m in, or worse.

(And I’m not even going to BEGIN to talk about the women I know who act like they achieved more greatness than me, just because they shat out crotchfruit, like they’re the only people in the history of time to have ever reproduced.  No, I can’t talk about that.  I… I don’t have the strength!)

Talking with a coworker at lunch today, religion came up. She was talking about how prayer to Jesus has helped her. Now, I respect her beliefs.

I used to be very Catholic, and even after I abandoned Catholicism (around the time that bishop was saying that if you don’t vote for George W Bush you are going to hell and the time where it was revealed that the Catholic church was protecting pedophiles and fucking over victims), I considered myself still Christian because it never OCCURRED to me that you can be a non-Christian and still believe in the God I was used to believing in. I was so conditioned by American society: “You have to believe in Jesus Christ to believe in God. You have to believe that the Bible is God’s word, to be taken literally line by line, to believe in God.”

Guess what, judgmental chicklets. Neither is true! Yes, you heard it here first, Americans!

I respect people’s beliefs for the most part (not you $cientology - fuck you, seriously, you murdering, robbing fucks). However, I can’t help but be put off when I get the reaction I got from my coworker today, and have gotten from good friends in the past. It’s always the same thing.

Person: I take great comfort in my belief in Jesus.

Me: That’s great!

Person: Come to church with me!

Me: Thank you for the invite, but I’m not Christian. I believe in God, but not Jesus Christ.

Person: I know there’s a God! * spouts evidence that there is a God *

Me: I never said I didn’t believe in God. I said I’m not a Christian.

Person: That’s so sad that you don’t have the comfort of believing in a higher power, blah blah…

Me: OK, you know the love you give to Jesus? I give that love directly to God. I cut out the middleman and pass the savings on to you, the consumer!

Person: How can you be an atheist?

Me: I wasn’t an atheist until this very conversation, because if there was a just and loving God, you wouldn’t be permitted to annoy me like you are!

People, the majority of the world that believes in God or a higher power does NOT believe in Jesus Christ. I know America (namely Republicans) has made it SEEM like a belief in God is synonymous with Christianity, but it most certainly is not. Christianity makes up about 33% of the world’s religion. Non-religious people and atheism is about 13%, leaving the majority of the world believing in a higher power that has nothing to do with Jesus.

I respect the right of people to believe in the Bible (I kind of believed in parts of it until I watched the documentaries on the History Channel) and to believe in Jesus. However, I resent those Christians who declare I can’t believe in a higher power without Jesus.

Every organized religion declares that they know The Answer. They know exactly what God thinks, what God wants us to believe, and how God wants us to live our lives. They have the market cornered on truth, and if you do their bidding (give your money and recruit others) you too can be let in on The Answer and be able to act superior and condescending to others for the remainder of your life.

I say that thinking “Only WE have figured out God!” is the epitome of conceit and arrogance, and I think people from just about any religion would agree that neither trait is desired in a Godly person.

For a country that was founded on the principle of Freedom of Religion, we have seriously SERIOUSLY lost our way.  Everyone needs to really re-think their attitudes about tolerating other beliefs, and about whether or not we want our government to be intertwined with religion, because that is where we are headed.  It is truly terrifying.

So stop judging me just because I put my crucifix away. And I promise not to judge you for believing in a book that says God is pro-slavery, anti-female, and has severe ego and anger issues.

So my dad, who works full time and plays in tennis leagues three times a week, ended up in the hospital on my birthday last June.  He started off running a fever and then got a rash and it progressed to severe muscle pain and deformity in his legs, and by Friday he couldn’t walk or stand, even with assistance.   Then liver and kidneys started to fail, he stopped eating, etc.  Very sick man.  At first they thought Lyme Disease but after a week of specialists, MRIs, ultrasounds, muscle biopsies and blood tests, guess what they found?  The Lipitor that he had been taking for over seven years was the cause of it all!  Seven years, no problem.  Then within five days, hospital.  He had rhabdomyolysis.  As the muscles broke down in his calves, large proteins were released into the blood, causing kidney and liver problems (helped by IV fluids because it was caught in time).

He was in physical therapy and had to walk with a cane after getting out of the hospital.  The PT told him that he saw guys almost crippled or permanently crippled because of Lipitor “all the time”.  Dad even saw a guy come into the waiting room with forearm crutches who remarked, “Hell of a high price to pay just to have lower cholesterol, huh?”  That guy was permanently disabled.  Luckily my dad wasn’t; he’s back to playing tennis.

United Health Care was AWFUL to him.  My dad couldn’t walk, couldn’t pee, was in severe pain, wasn’t eating, was running a fever over 102, and had to be on continuous IV fluids of 150cc/hr or more or else his BUN/creatinine went way up, and United Health Care would call the nurses’ station multiple times a day, harassing the nurses asking “Why isn’t he sent home yet?”  Then they also called my dad’s hospitalist, his Infectious Disease doctor, the hospital’s case manager, and my dad’s family physician to harass them into releasing him (only one of the harassees had the power to actually release him from the hospital and any insurance employee would know that).    As an RN I’ve heard nightmare insurance stories but I’ve never heard anything like what my dad went through.

So if you walked out to your car and saw this post-it note on your car’s mirror, would it cause you stress?

Please call me about your car! 303.296.0809 [signed] MB

Well for a lady named Kristi, who did get this note on her car in a darkened parking garage, she thought someone had run into her car. (That would cause ME stress, I’ll tell you that!)
Here’s what she said on her blog:

So I paused thinking, “did someone hit me and leave me a note? Is my car THAT dirty that I didn’t even notice?” So, I got out. Did a little inspection. And nothin’. No dents, no dings, no damage. Why would someone leave a post-it note if nothing bad happened? Oh geez, is my car about to blow up? Is someone trying to warn me of something? I start freaking out and thoughts of every intense thriller movie with car blow-up-scenes started going through my head. I call James. Then, I call the number.

I get put on hold for 4 minutes! I hang up. I call again. After 4 billion rings, some dude answers. I say, “hey, are you the person who left a post-it note on my car?”. The dufus on the other end basically tells me that one of his guys probably did. I’m like, “who are you?”. He tells me he is from some auto glass repair place and they would like to fix my cracked windshield. WTF!? Since when did people start soliciting via post-it note?

Smart Glass, you truly do SUCK! How DARE you pull shit like this?

So let’s fight back, eh?

From Marketing Punk; found via Jack’s blog.