I have a CRAPLOAD of favorite doggy blogs that I try to visit at least weekly when I can. Out of those favorites, I do have my favorite dogs which I shall not mention. But I have to admit, Cody Bear tugs especially on my heart. Maybe it’s because his ears are so “changey”. Sometimes they’re up, sometimes at half-mast. I love changey ears on a dog.

Cody Bear now has a new rescued puppy friend - a Border Collie named Pickles. He arrived last Friday. Cody Bear’s personal assistant “Goodbear” is posting plenty of pictures, so stop by the main page for the most recent Pickles pics.

Two other favorite dogs of mine, Lauren’s Sammy and Jasmine (who I like to call Bunny Butt), are expecting a new rescue dog addition to their clan too. Avery is due to arrive July 12. Like Goodbear, Lauren is way into photography and I can’t wait to see the new pics of Avery the beagle mix!

I do find myself censoring myself on this blog, which keeps me from writing as much, and keeps the blog from being as enjoyable to me as it could be. I don’t intend on many of my entries to be password protected, not at all. However, some (especially work-related entries) may be protected in the future. If you would like to be emailed the password, leave a comment on this post (with a valid email address).

Moose will be six years old on July 13th. He’s never been afraid of storms, but that may be because in Colorado, it hardly ever storms. In fact, the ONLY thing I miss about Kansas are the thunderstorms and rain storms. I could count on my fingers the number of times I’ve heard it thunder in the 6 1/2 years I’ve lived in Colorado.

Wednesday night there was some thunder and lightning (of course it didn’t rain, as my yellow front yard can attest to). For some reason, Moose became very upset by this.

I was lying on the couch watching the best TV reality show ever (So You Think You Can Dance), and I barely noticed the occasional thunder and lightning.

Moose started panting like I’ve never seen him pant before. It was like he had just run a marathon. And his tongue was sticking out - something that never happens in the house because he’s not running around.

He kept leaning on me and trying to shove his head into my arm. So I pet him and didn’t notice. Next thing I know, he had jumped on the couch and jumped ON ME, and was trying to get so close it was like he was climbing through me. I think he was trying to hide his massive head by tucking it in the crook of my neck. He didn’t bark or whimper, but his eyes were a bit bugged out.

I couldn’t get him to settle down, and I certainly didn’t want a 180 pound dog laying on me. So finally I gave him two tablets of Benadryl. I don’t know if it worked or not because I had taken some too so I fell asleep soon after.

It is just weird to me that a dog suddenly develops a fear of thunder at the age of six.

Mushu the duck is still recovering from his flipper ligament release surgery.

Scott reports that one flipper is back to normal, while the other flipper still has problems. I guess Mushu wants to walk badly but he’s not quite there yet. They cut holes in a towel to make a sling and rigged up something so that he can hang from that sling in the closet and practice moving his flippers on the ground without having to support his weight.

I’ll try to get another update today at work.

Scott tells me they are not called flippers, but feet. I think they’re flippers, and flippers is more fun to say.

As far as how I’m doing, it’s miraculous how great I feel. Although I do have periods of sadness that I have forever lost YoYoBoy as a friend, I lost him for five months before and did fine with that. The difference is that then I still had feelings for him and I missed him. Now, those feelings have been 90% killed. He may have been a bit better looking than me (only because I’m fat and he isn’t - when I’m at my normal weight I can hold my own). However, as a person I’m so much better than him.

I know - I should never say that. I should never compare myself to others and rank myself, but it’s a bad habit of mine.

Before we re-started things, I missed him. Now I do not. Maybe that’s why I had to make an ass of myself with him one more time - to completely get him out of my system.

I am SO HAPPY that he is. I do not want an emotional parasite, selfish man with no moral compass in my life, not as a boyfriend nor as a friend.

I’m still a little rattled that it took me so long to see him for what he is. I’m still very blinded when it comes to people I care about.

He had someone who loved and (back then) respected him, who would have been a friend for life if he wanted it, and he shit on the whole thing. I pity him. I don’t even hate him - he’s just a sad, self-involved person who will never find love because eventually everyone he is with will get sick of everything being all about him and his needs.

He is now officially none of my concern, and it feels so good to finally be free. Thanks for all of your support everyone!

I usually don’t like sweet things served by fast-food restaurants. Example: I had the new strawberry mixed shake that Wendys keeps talking about, and it tasted like a cupful of chemical to me. Same with Sonic fruit smoothies. It all is so chemically tasting.

So I had no hopes or expectations of liking Taco Bell’s Frutista Freeze. But they look so damn good! And I have recently discovered the expensive joy of having the strawberry/kiwi/mango fresh fruit cup from Starbucks, kindling a love of mango I never knew I had. So of course I had to try the Mango Strawberry Frutista Freeze.

It only comes in one size and costs $1.89 in my neck of the woods. It has 250 calories, mostly carbs. It contains no fruit juice but does have strawberries on the top.

At first I thought I got ripped off - hardly any red on the top and only one strawberry. Later I realized the strawberries had sunk into the drink - I got plenty of strawberries, making me happy.

I was delighted that there was extremely little of the chemical taste I’m so sensitive to. It was muy delicioso! It smelled like mango and tasted a bit peachy in the aftertaste. I loved it and would get it again.

It melted a bit, and I decided to see if I could make a mixed drink so I added some vodka. But I added too much, and I only had a small bit of the freeze left in the first place, so I added water and some crystal light yellow lemonade mix. It was FANTASTIC! So even the last few sips of the drink can be reborn into a nightcap of desperation.

Next time I’m trying the strawberry one.

I’m doing so well with all of this, I can’t help but think that someone out there is praying for me, sending positive energy, SOMETHING. If someone is, thank you! It’s working!

Sunday night on my birthday, YoYoBoy behaved in such a way that I will never, ever forgive him or want him in my life ever again.

Basically, I caught him in lies and selfish behavior, I called him on it, and he is determined to take no blame and make everything my fault. He’s the one who kept talking about his Plenty of Fish profile (in emails, and BOTH evenings I spent with him). I didn’t think about it at first, but after he kept bringing it up, I wondered if he was trying to tell me something. So I checked it out. When I asked him if he was looking for someone else to date while bedding me down (tacky), he told me the PofF account wasn’t even made by him and he’d explain it to me but I missed my chance so now he won’t. (How old is he? And he expects me to believe an online personal ad that he can’t stop talking about is suddenly not his, even though his pic and info is on it, and I am supposed to believe that some mystery person is checking it daily? Yep.)

Then he said I was a “pathetic” human being and a “psycho stalker”. He said that I was the one who started things sexually again (big fat lie and he knows it), so if I’m hurt I’m responsible. He said he never led me to believe he could ever feel anything for me. (What were the in-love smiles and constant, meaningful eye contact from him all about?) He says he doesn’t want anything from me than to be my friend and that he can never ever have feelings for anyone ever again (then why is he looking on P of F?)

Basically, here’s the thing: I think he got lonely and horny. He always knew I was in love with him because I told him. So he did and said things he knew I wanted him to do and say, to imply the possibility that things were different this time so that he could get laid. And that’s that.

I told him that last fall when we were together, at that time he kept chastising me for not considering HIS needs and wants because I wanted a relationship and he didn’t. So I told him Sunday that he is an adult and should be able to consider the needs and wants of others if he expects them to do the same for him. I told him that he knew I’m not a booty call, he knew I wanted a relationship, and it was his RESPONSIBILITY to consider that before he started things up again. He said basically, although it was my responsibility to abide by his wishes, it was not his responsibility to even consider mine.

Now this sounds like an orderly conversation. It was not. He was screaming at me, making no sense because he was so defensive, and I don’t think he let me finish one sentence before he interrupted me to tell me why I’m pathetic and a horrible person and he did nothing wrong.

Let me tell you people, this conversation shocked me. His selfishness. His conceitedness. His manipulation and game-playing. His absolute refusal to take any responsibility for the scummy shit he’s done. His absolute refusal to see anything wrong with his playing with my feelings and emotions just so he could get laid. This guy who I’ve known for six years, who has been a best friend to me on and off for the past year…

All of the sudden my respect for him as a person just evaporated. He’s just… slimy. His whole world is himself. I would imagine that would get very boring but it seems to suit him just fine.

Now when I think of him, I literally see a trail of slime behind him. He’s a disgusting human being. He has no conscience, although he pretends to have one. He has no remorse, although he pretends. But most of all - and the thing I can’t forgive - is he has no ethical code and no sense or honor.

Sunday night was hard. Monday, I thought I’d be hurt and devastated all day. But honestly (and much to my joy), all I could feel was… relief. I didn’t even have to try to talk myself out of being hurt - I wasn’t! I’m usually overwhelmed by feelings of rejection when a relationship ends. But now that I know what this piece of shit of a human being is really like… who cares if someone that low class and white trashy rejects me? Who cares about the loss of a narcissist?

His opinion of me mattered to me so much for the entire time I’ve known him. Now it means nothing. The opinion of a stranger would mean more to me than any opinion from him.

Some things still make me sick: How can someone go through life being so selfish, yet so blinded to it? How could I have made excuses for him for so long? And how many people out there are just like him?