Men (and women - you know who you are…)

WHY do you never want the person in front of you, who is available.

WHY is it that you want the person you had a few relationships ago.

You know, the person who you didn’t want back then, when they were in front of you? Because you were pining over someone else?

You treated them like shit for 2, 4, 6 years. They finally got sick of you and dumped you. That was 2, 4, 6 years ago.

You didn’t want them when you had them. But now, in your time apart, you’ve grown to appreciate their subtle qualities. And now, no one will ever live up to their sainted memory.

She’s moved on, but you can’t. It’s been two years since you’ve broken up, but all you can talk about is her. She stays in your place when you’re out of town. You run all over town doing her favors. You bristle when someone else confronts you on your obsession. (Bonus points if you use your kids as an excuse to stay obsessed with her - classy!)

How many people are you going to let walk out of your life while you beat this dead horse? You’ve had YEARS to get it right with her, you couldn’t. Sometimes we lose. Sometimes we make mistakes that can’t be rectified. Are you going to waste another decade looking back?

She’s your ex. You can be civil for your kids, but that doesn’t mean being involved in her life. You’re starting to become addicted to playing the wounded victim role in this - let it go. You’re exhausting everyone around you. Your devotion is NOT the same as being sorry, it’s NOT the same as making amends. It’s letting someone use your guilt to manipulate you. It’s indulging in feeling sorry for yourself. It’s nauseating.

We haven’t done a Random Crap from my Hard Drive Monday lately. Let’s do one, shall we?

How can one not love The Platypus?

My boss makes us spend hours writing weekly reports telling her how busy we are. She added a “sanity meter” and I took the concept and added pictures of my dog to it, with smartass meter designations.

I call this one “Gas Prices”.

Have a great week!

My idea of a great weekend is not having to interact with another human being whatsoever.

In fact, if I don’t have to put on makeup at all, it’s a bonus.

But I have so much to do! I’m sitting here trying to talk myself into getting up, going to the store, blah blah.

But I’d rather hibernate.

I’m in week 2 of a 3 week initiative to train the poor staff on stuff they should have been trained on all along. For the past year they’ve been “dinged” by Quality for not doing their jobs when there is no resource that tells them HOW to do their jobs! I feel so sorry for our staff I actually cried last night.

Well, it’s not perfect yet but we’re finally giving them some re-training, but for two weeks all I hear all day is that the training is fine and good, but the minute they walk out of the room, their managers are going to tell them to do it differently, the assistant managers will tell them to do it another way, and the quality people will tell them to do it another way still. Written policies will tell them to do it a different way because they’re all old.

I’m exhausted to the point of mind-snapping over this. Do you know how humiliating it is to stand up in front of a class and be told straight out that my teaching will mean nothing in the “real world” because, despite the fact the curriculum was approved by bosses all the way up the ladder, the quality people make up their own rules as they go along.

Yesterday’s 2 classes went horribly. My attitude was horrible, I let my frustration show (not at the staff but at the situation).

One quality person has already set an appointment with me next week to gripe me out, but most people won’t do that - they’ll file complaints without me knowing.

I’ve worked so much overtime the past two weeks, I’ve gotten in trouble with my bosses for fighting for what the staff really needs, the staff doesn’t have confidence in anything I say.

My job is a no-win situation daily and I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

So I have a very complicated class to teach today with new rules that will rightfully annoy my audience. I’ve been swamped and haven’t had time to prepare, so I was going to spend 4 hours last night studying, get up early and go in early, then spend 3 hours practicing the presentation before the first class today.

I get my instructor’s guide. Go get a beer. Let the dog out. Take some cough medicine. Go back to pick up the instructor’s guide - GONE. Can’t find it anywhere. Looked all evening. Never found it. I looked in the fridge and freezer, behind the washing machine, through my trash, in the microwave. It vanished.

Found it this morning in my SILVERWARE DRAWER.

This is going to be some day. Wish me luck.

My Monday was productive.

Every Monday (OK I skipped last Monday and pee-yew paid the price for it), I clean out my cat’s litterbox, my rabbit’s cage (I have one rabbit with digestive problems so this is sometimes not fun), and their litterbox as well. Monday is trash day and I have to have all that shit (literally) out by the curb by 6:30, so I usually get up at 5am to do it.

What did I do yesterday? Mash up my foot by stepping on the sharp edge of the lid of the cat’s litterbox, fall and send dirty litter all over my carpet. The tiny grained, scoopable sticky kind. So here I was at 5am shop-vaccing with a hurt foot and no coffee in sight.

I was in a foul mood anyway because of the weekend. You see, I’ve only been in love with one man in the past six years. We were friends for about 3 years, it turned into more last summer, but he never really wanted me for anything more than companionship and a bootie call. It broke my heart and crumbled my confidence. When we parted ways in December, it was UGLY. I don’t know that I ever said such horrible hateful things to someone when ending things. And it was via email, so it could be referenced again and again. Phrases like “hate your guts” “rot in hell” “never EVER contact me again” were used with abandon. And he didn’t contact me for five months, which was fine with me. The approx. 6 months I “dated” him were filled with tears and disappointment, even though he never promised me a goddamn thing.

Well last Friday out of the blue he called me but I can never understand him on the phone because I think we both have the shittiest cell services on the planet, plus he’s very soft-spoken so our conversations typically were me saying “what?” and him getting frustrated. When we even had conversations that is. Friday was no different, and I never could find out why he called me. He said he’d call me back Friday night but never did, and no call this weekend either.

Typical him. I think I’ll call him YoYoBoy because that’s what he does. Draws you in then violently pushes you away, and it’s all good with him because he’s the one standing still. You’re the one spinning on the end of his string getting very nauseous.

Anyway, I finally email him Monday and said if he wanted to talk to me call me and if he didn’t then at least we ended things on a more civil note with our brief phone call and good luck.

He called me yesterday afternoon saying his grandfather is very sick and will probably die so he’s flying out-of-state. Which of course makes me want to go into “caretaker/comforter” mode immediately except for the fact that because he ignored me all weekend, we never got to get to why the fuck he even called me again in the first place.

So now if I keep my distance and act aloof, I’m now going to be a jerk because his grandfather is on his death bed. But how to be a supportive friend when we’ve spent the last five months hating each other (well, I can only speak for my feelings). When he called yesterday I told him to call if he needed me but of course he put it all on me, I’m supposed to call him. What a crazy situation!

He knows about this website I’m sure, but I’m not worried about him coming here and reading this because he has no interest in anything that is not about him, and I know I’m making him sound dicky. But he’s not conceited. He is just so wrapped up in his own self-preservation he can never see anything beyond it, and I feel sorry for people like that because one of the most interesting things in life, in my opinion, is the exploration of the thoughts and feelings of other people. But that will never capture his interest, so I feel I can write here freely about YoYoBoy.

ANYway, I do believe him about his grandfather but I think he blew off calling this weekend and that was a dick move (after all, who called in the first place - him!) I think he’s using his grandfather as an excuse but that’s just a gut feeling. So being supportive, even though I don’t trust him at all and don’t know why he even contacted me, plus he’s put it all on me by saying I have to call him, is going to be difficult.

I traveled a lot last year and get lonely on the road. Both road trips I took when we were dating, he didn’t call or email either time - just ignored me. So it’s hard being supportive to a guy who wouldn’t in a million years think of someone else long enough to return the favor.

Yeah, why did I love this guy? I’m retarded.

Despite that unpleasantness, I had a productive day yesterday. I worked 11 hours (I get SO MUCH more work done when working from home), pulled weeds in my back yard for 2 hours straight (have taken a total of 4 garden trash bags out of there in a week), and worked on both my blogs, as you can see from my post flurry.

The next two weeks will be crazy at work.

No prospects at all on the job front.

An Arizona rabbit rescue group - Rascally Rabbit Rescue and Critter Haven of Arizona, Inc. - needs some fundraising help. Remember, this time of year all of the Easter bunnies Preppy McObnoxious bought for their pwessius children are now being abandoned. You can help their efforts, and get something for yourself too.

(They also rescue other small animals like chinchillas, hamsters, guinea pigs, etc.)

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